Your Favorite Video Game Characters Review Their Favorite Games

by Kirk Hamilton

So many games have other, smaller games within them that sometimes it feels like video game characters spend as much time playing games as we do. 

In the spirit of Kotaku’s made-to-order box quotes, we thought we’d ask some of our favorite video game characters what they think of the games they play.

“Zork… that’s a tough one. Fun factor is a 5 but graphics, honestly, a 0. Lasting appeal seems like a 3. Need me to tell you more about those numbers?” - Alex Mason

“Visceral. Compelling. Darts is the Citizen Kane of games involving darts.” - Niko Bellic

“Pazaak moves slower than a bantha on Hoth. Recommended only for those stuck on Taris for extended periods of time.” - Jedi With Mysterious Past

“Tin Pin Slammer seems fine, I guess. I don’t know. What do you want from me? Leave me alone.” - Neku

“Future Street Racer is a racing game with great graphics. It is not that lame. I like to play when I skip school. If I was a game reviewer I would give it a 9, probably.” - Jimmy Hopkins

“i fuvkkkikiing hayyte fife-fumger filettt” — John Marston

“I would rather be eaten by radscorpions than play another hand of Caravan.” - The Courier

“Fishing is a tour de force.” - Link

“My girlfriend just died and my past is all a lie, but Snowboarding sure is fun!” - Cloud Strife

“Fans of Checkers will LOVE Nine Man’s Morris.” - Connor of the Assassin’s Guild, 18th Century

“It’s hard not to appreciate the visceral, dynamic mechanics in Triple Triad.” - Squall Leonhart

“At the end of the day, Rapunzel is less a dream than a nightmare.” - Vincent Brooks

“Get me on the court and I’m trouble. Last week I fucked around and got a triple double. But They Crawled from Uranus is my favorite game to play. Today was a good day.” - Carl Johnson.

“Twelve years and all I get is this lousy 1942 knockoff?” - Jim Raynor

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    Clever work, Kotaku.
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